"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

One of the things I am learning about healing is that though God will be working, and your therapist will be supporting, you will also need to do some soothing.

Not just the soothing self work that is assigned to you during Bible study or therapy sessions; but the one you give yourself because the emotionally wounded need to heal their body as much as their soul.

Over time, with myself and other people who are healing, I have noticed certain traumatic presentations that should be fixed. When you read them, please observe your body, give it compassion and receive rest.

Unclench your jaw. Rest easy. You are holding behind your mouth something hurtful, something uncomfortable. Release the hold, then vomit or swallow. By unclenching your jaw, you begin to self-soothe the trauma that has accumulated there. All that chronic stress and unresolved emotional pain is squeezing your jaw muscles, tightening against perceived threats or past traumatic experiences. Stop chewing that tension, grinding away something you should not bother with. Tell your jaw not to brace itself for impact.

Lower your shoulders. Impactful words or actions cause our shoulders to rise as much as our blood pressure. Whether it cringed you to see or hear that person or thing, lower the armour rising. The body's instinctive response to stress is to protect itself by tensing muscles, especially around the shoulders and neck. Notice this and lower your shoulders. Tell yourself that your body is not an armour, instead its a resting place for good things.

Release your breath. Good things begin by letting go gradually. You will burst out even more pain if you don't deliberately, slowly and intentionally release your breath. Self-soothe the trauma by consciously releasing your breath. Inhale peace, exhale grief. The trauma that manifests as physical tension and shallow breathing is also your body responding to stress and fear. Do not give in to those tightening muscles and reducing respiratory rate; do not take part in the fight-or-flight response. Release that breath baby.

Listen to your gut. Baby, your instincts are stored behind the fupa you refuse to look at. Please, listen to your gut and recognize that more than your memory, she recognises trauma, past experiences and residue pain which shows up as uncomfortable physical sensations. Listen to her. The Spirit works with your mind and your instincts work with your guts. Tune into these feelings, begin to understand and heal the underlying emotional wounds. Get comfortable with the obedience of your guts, wholly.

Sit. Wholly, this is the simplest form of self soothing. Whether you are sitting with the pain, or with the reality of the forced change, you will need to sit. Sit with your thoughts, sit with your journaling pen or pad, sit with your mind, sit with the Lord, sit with a trusted friend. Sit alone. In sitting, you can cry, you can become, you can exhale. It's only when sitting that you can release your breath. Sit, soothe, steady.

Close your eyes. Steady your tired eyes. How best if not by closing it. Whether for a minute or for hours, close those eyes. Guard the entrance to your soul by keeping it away from damage and other’s control.

Open your mouth. Control what comes out of it by teaching your mouth what to say and whom to say it to. Say no loudly and clearly, say yes openly and freely. Ignore the empty threats of the perpetrators and speak. Nothing is more golden in self soothing than using your mouth to tell the truth of your heart. The residue of unspoken anguish, as silence can serve as the custodian of past wounds, allowing them to fester in the caverns of the soul. Refuse it! Silence about the matter, (unless instructed by God) is not a victory or reward. Your gut will remember the betrayal if you do not open your mouth, disappoint her not.

Pull away your thumb. Uncurl your tongue. Leave your nails, genitals and hair alone. Not to burst your bubble but “sucking”, masturbation and changing versions of your hair is not a way to soothe yourself. It is only a way to prolong the faux comfort it gives. Self soothing is stopping the very things your younger self used to find comfort in. Allow your body to teach you new, mature, healthy and holy ways to soothe it.

Stretch your body. It starts from within, if you pay close attention, stretching begins from inside the body desiring to be set free. Doesn't that tell you that soothing presents in freedom. Widen your arms, legs and face. Allow the voluntary spasms to take place. Dance, twirl, sing, scream, swim, run, walk, dream, film. Reconnect with your body and alleviate the stored stress, trauma and emotional pain that comes from past experiences. Tell your beautiful body that it is allowed to move.

Stroke your thigh, your face, your arm. Move that phone out of the way so you can give the preciousness of your body the light of day. Lift your hands up and feel the gentleness of calm. When was the last time a friendly touch grazed your face, your arm or your thigh? Feel what God felt when He made you. Your palm is a balm, heal the unforgiving, weary, hurting darling within. Touch. Be free.

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See you next week!