Was I fickle when I intended to do this? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say both “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?

But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.”For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.”

2 Corinthians 1:17-19

I’ve opened the gate that leads to the door.

The door is my entry into what’s behind it, into the beyond.

I’m facing this locked door. Thinking about how and why it’s locked.

I look back to face the gate, it’s open but what’s the point ?

I can’t leave. I shouldn’t leave.

I’m stuck.

Why won’t this door open?

Where will I go?

What should I do?

What can I even do?

I should just stand and wait.

I’ll just wait.

***

I waited outside the door for a while before another’s intuition opened the door for me.

The other arrived, through the same gate as me.

Looked at the same door like I did.

Everything that happened after surprised me.

The other asked questions.

Questions that would lead to solutions, unlike me who asked questions that led to dissolutions.

“Where’s the key?”

“How does this door open?”

“Was it locked out or in?”

“When would we be able to enter?”

“Surely there’s a way in.”

“Shouldn’t we find a way and not sit still?”

“I’ve found the key.”

“Follow me.”

***

Then I realised that “the other” decided to advance. Not stay.

I made the decision to wait for someone or something to rescue me.

Inadvertently, I decided not to decide. Deciding not to decide keeps you still, stagnant and stuck.

Deciding not to decide is the lazy, faux version of waiting.

There is nothing wondrous about this wait.

You’re merely waiting for the other to decide for you.

And that, is deciding to just go along with their decision regardless of how it has or will impact your life.

Deciding not to decide is deciding that you and your future - what’s behind the door- is not important, not worth the time, not worth the risk.